Dave, Part 1
by Psychotic Pikachu
Summary: In this chapter! Dave knocks a fellow student unconcious with a kickball! Dave kicks a mailman in the balls! Dave is abducted by Clefairy's!
1. Default Chapter Title

Dave lay back in his seat and watched the teacher talking. At least he thought she was talking, couldn't make it out, his mind was a little foggy from blasting music at max volume yesterday. He chucked a wad of paper at her. "Dave! You stop goofing around and pay attention to this lecture!" she yelled. Yup, she had been talking all right. Bringgggg. Ahh the bell, the sound of freedom. Actually it was the sound of a bell but that's beside the point. Dave stiff-armed his way out the door, knocking over several students in the process. Outside Dave found a red playground ball.   
  
"Target practice!" he yelled and punted it into a large crowd of his classmates. "Head shot! 50 points!" he yelled as one of his fellow students fell down unconscious. He then went into the victory dance and proceeded to load onto the bus.   
  
"Hey Dave, you suck!" yelled a kid. Dave responded by phwaping the kid in the head with his rubber band shooter. He looked it over. 'So much fun for only 50 cents' he thought. The bus was nearing his stop so he smacked the bus driver in the back of the head with another band and sent the bus into a screeching halt, right in front of his house. He jumped off and ran inside.   
  
Ahh home, sweet bliss. He walked past his mother who was spouting some nonsense about him getting a job. Why the hell did he need a job when he was already making more than enough selling off his Ritalin to druggies? Yes, Dave did have A.D.D. and was pretty happy about it. Basically A.D.D was a license to act like an ass, wreak havoc, and not get in trouble for it. She then said something about having goals in life. He did have goals. He wanted to be a mole person who lived underground and plotted world domination. Realizing that he wasn't going to get any quiet at home, he fired a few rubber bands at his mom and then ran outside. Outside he saw the postman delivering his mail. The guy took one look at Dave and started running. Dave quickly grabbed a soccer ball and punted it at the guy. "NUT SHOT! 100 POINTS!" screamed Dave, and did a few backflips in his enthusiasm as the postman fell to the ground holding his *ahem* jewels. All of a sudden a large shadow loomed overhead. Dave looked up just as a blue light picked him up and into the craft. Dave looked around until his eyes stopped on something. "Holy shit, it's Clefairy!"  



	2. Default Chapter Title

Dave stared at the little creature. It stared back. He then looked around the ship, it reminded him of the ship from "Clefairy Tales." The Clefairy began puzzled. Then it screamed as Dave tackled it to the ground screaming an odd war cry. Dave noticed another Clefairy pressing a button and all of a sudden the bottom of the ship went out from under him. He and the little Clefairy screamed as they both plummeted towards the ground. Both smacked into the ground. The Clefairy was knocked unconscious, while Dave was semi-conscious. Dave weakly opened his eyes and realized he was in a badly drawn cartoon.   
  
"Wow a Clefairy!" said a voice.  
  
"Oh no, it's hurt!" said a feminine voice. At least Dave thought it was a feminine voice, it   
was actually kinda tomboyish. Dave grunted.  
  
"Oh, there's a kid too, it must belong to him." Said yet another voice. Dace looked up and wondered where the hell the guy's eyes were.  
  
"Darn I was gonna catch it."  
  
"We better get them to Nurse Joy!" Dave looked up and screamed when he realized who these people were. He then beat his head against the ground several times to knock himself out.  
  
Dave awoke, he was in the...bathroom? Strange... He looked over to see the eyeless man flirting with the nurse and screamed. They quickly came over. "Stay away from me!" he yelled grabbing the closest thing he could as a weapon, a used paper-towel roll.   
  
"Um, can you help him?" asked the guy without the eyes.  
  
"I'm a pokemon doctor not a people doctor goddamn it!" said the woman with the odd hairdo. Dave lunged for her and she whipped out a can of mace. Dave found himself plunging his head into the toilet to get the stuff out of his eyes. After a good while attempting to remove his head from the bowels he finally confronted the two.   
  
"Get away from me, I'm a psycho, ahhh!!!"  
  
"Calm the hell down!" the Woman yelled smacking him.  
  
"But this is cartoon, you're Nurse Joy and you're Brock but you don't exist! AHH!! I NEED PILLS! WHERE'S MY RITALIN!?!?!?!" Nurse Joy smacked him around for a good while before he fell unconscious again.   
  
"Look, all I think he needs is some fresh air, why don't you take him with you?" said Nurse Joy.  
  
"Ok, I think that would work out, um, you know you're in the boys restrooms right?" said Brock. Nurse Joy blushed and left.   
  
"Look he's awake." Said Ash.  
  
"Oh, are you ok?" asked Misty. Dave began screaming again. Pikachu shocked him silly.   
  
"Maybe we should introduce ourselves, I'm Ash, future pokemon master"  
  
"I'm Misty, of the Cerulean City gym."  
  
"And I'm Brock, future pokemon breeder." Dave stopped screaming.  
  
"I'm Dave...future mole person who lives underground and plots world domination." Dave said. They stared at him. "Where the hell am I?"   
  
"We don't know, Ash got us lost again." Misty said glaring at him. He scratched his head and blushed.   
  
"How did you get knocked unconscious?" asked Brock. Dave sighed.  
  
"Some Clefairy beamed me up like in Star Trek and then dumped me here." All of a sudden Dave felt a small lump under him. "What the?" he said. It was a Pokeball. Dave grinned.   
  
"I've always wanted to do this." He said chucking it at Ash. Ash grabbed the giant lump on his head as the pokeball opened to reveal...Clefairy! Dave narrowed his eyes. He grabbed the little thing by the throat and started yelling at it. "This is all your fault you little!..." all of a sudden Misty whacked him with her mallet.   
  
"Leave that poor thing alone!" she said. Dave rubbed his head.   
  
"This is really screwed up." He said. Ash nodded. "So now what?" he asked.  
  
"I guess we need to find that spaceship and get you home," said Brock. Dave looked at the Clefairy who screamed and ran behind a rock. He grabbed it.   
  
"Yes, I'll get home and this little bugger is gonna help me."  
  
  



	3. Default Chapter Title

  
*We join our heroes once again. With their new friend Dave they look forward to bright new adventures ahead! *   
  
Dave sighed. "God that announcer is annoying, plus he sounds pretty gay."   
  
*Hey! I resent that! *   
  
Dave stuck up his middle finger. Everyone looked at him. "Hey, you can't do that!" said Ash.   
  
"Don't worry, I'm sure the censors can deal with it, they did a nice job with "Beauty and the Beach." Misty cringed.   
  
"I felt so degraded, but we needed the money..." said Misty. Dave looked at her.   
  
"Jesus Christ, who the hell rewrote these scripts, a bunch of feminists?" Misty beat the hell out of him.   
  
"We are really gonna get it from the censors." said Brock.   
  
"Wait, I got an idea," said Dave. He quickly played a scene from "Electric Soldier Porygon."   
  
"There, now anyone watching probably just got a seizure, now they won't remember the whole middle finger thing, or anything else for that matter." Dave looked at Ash who was twitching wildly on the floor. "Oops." Dave said. Pikachu quickly shocked Ash out of it.   
  
"So now what?" asked Misty.   
  
"We got to find that spaceship," said Brock. Dave looked in the sky.   
  
"Hey there it is!!" he yelled pointing at a giant craft in the sky.   
  
"Where?" asked Brock. Dave looked at him.   
  
"Dude, open your friggin eyes." said Dave. Brock was a little stunned but tried to pry his eyelids open.   
  
"AHHHH!!! THE LIGHT!!" Brock yelled. "Whoa, so that's what stuff looks like when your eyes aren't squinted." The craft quickly started flying away. The group chased after it but it quickly flew off into the sky.   
  
"Damn," said Dave. He sighed.   
  
"Well, it's getting dark, we should spend the night." said Brock. Ash and Misty nodded. Dave wondered why Ash was grinning so hard.   
  
Late that night, Dave was awakened by a noise. He looked around and noticed Ash's sleeping bag was squirming about. 'Must be having a bad dream, I better wake him.' Dave crept over to Ash's sleeping bag to see Ash and Misty making out. "HOLY SHIT!!" Dave yelled. Misty and Ash looked at him blushing.   
  
"Uh, hi, we were just...um." said Ash.   
  
"Yeah we were um...I was..." said Misty. Dave was dumbfounded.   
  
"Jesus! Get the hell out of there, this is nuts! OH DEAR GOD! Put your pants on Ash! You guys are too young for that sort of thing, really..." Misty and Ash both blushed.   
  
Needless to say, Dave did not get any sleep that night.  



End file.
